I really hate apologizing to people. I hate apologizing when I don’t mean it. But what makes it really hard for me to apologize is when I actually choose to apologize and the person I apologized to throws it back in my face or refuses to accept it, even when that person started the confrontation in the first place.
I hate how I’m going to end up the one apologizing for what happened between one of my female friends and I, even when I told her to stop what she was doing multiple times before I responded. I admit that I should not have hit her; but it drives me crazy how an open-handed slap to the arm somehow turned into a punch to the boob. I don’t know ifshewas the one to change what happened or if the guy who likes her changed the story, but I don’t appreciate being lied on, no matter who does it.
On top of that, the guy who likes the friend that I hit, told me that if I ever hit her again that he would hurtme. Last time I checked, it was none of his effing business. He (let’s call him Bob for the sake of ease), likes to attack others and then when they retaliate, use that as an excuse to attack again, because if he’s only respondingthen he’s perfectly justified in doing whatever the hell he wants. After he has the nerve to hit, punch, etc,; when my boyfriend tries to mediate, he says that he didn’t start anything…because aparently, everyone just decides to attack Bob with no provocation, which is total bu!!sh:t.
I totally admit that I have a horrible temper, but I don’t resort to violence unless a) I’m already so wired-up that when people don’t take my words seriously, I react without thinking; or b) someone has already put their hands on me and I’m responding. I wasn’t really looking when I hit my friend(let’s call her Liz), so I may have actually hit her in the boob, but my hand definitely wasn’t in the form of a fist.
The fact that Liz went off and told my boyfriend, like he was supposed to punish me or something, makes it really hard to want to apologize to her; because she should have talked that out with me. All of my friends are aware that me saying STOP, actually means stop doing what you’re doing, we had an entire discussion about how we all hate it when we tell someone to stop doing something to us, and they keep doing it. So the fact that she knows how I feel about having to repeatedly tell someone, who already knows how I feel about having to repeat myself when it comes to that, and already knew what my reaction would be, yet still did and then got mad atmefor a reaction sheknew was coming really upsets me.
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Anyway, today was the Day of Silence, I hope lots of people participated in it, I did. This day is extremely important to me and I wish more people knew about it and that more of the people who do know about it would actually join in on the Day of Silence. I firmly believe that if enough people actually stayed silent on the Day of Silence(20 April), then we could actually make an impact, and draw way more attention to the anti-LGBT bullying cause. I know that a lot of people don’t support gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or transgenders; but you don’t have to support who they are to be against people attacking them for who they are. It’s really no one’s business who someone else chooses to sleep with, if you’re that involved in hating someone you don’t even know- then you really need to get a life. I adore my wristlet that says: ALL <3s BEAT THE SAME, handmade by a close friend.
I’m bisexual, and I’ve actually talked to friendswho’ve said that they don’t believe in bisexuality, that a person has to pick which gender they like and stick with it. I call bu!!sh:t, but I didn’t say anything to them about being bisexual. If they want to be ignorant, they can go on ahead and stay that way, I don’t feel the need to defend my sexuality against people who are way to smart to say things like that, yet do so anyway. They know they are wrong and I know they’re wrong, but I highly doubt pointing it out would have done any good.
It’s no one’s place to tell another person that they can’t love someone else because of gender. People who go down to the Village and attack gays walking down the street, what kind of dumbass goes into someone else’s territory, attacks them, and tells them thatthey’rethe ones in the wrong. But a lot of people are like that. I try to seperate myself quietly from people with their heads so far up their asses that their head’s sticking right back out of their neck, covered in shit. Now, it’s not my place to tell someone else, who’s minding their own business, that their viewpoints and beliefs are wrong, but I can’t stand people who want to use their beliefs to hurt other people and mess up the lives of people who’ve never done anything to them. Someone who, if they met them on the street, might even give a customary greeting or give them a quarter at the cash register when they don’t have the right change.
It’s hard for people to be open minded, but everyone always feels righteous and justified in hurting others for things that really don’t matter in the long run, things that only matter because peopleforcethose things to become negative. People feel righteous and justified today, but what about in 40 years from now? People born in ten years will look at the way LGBT citizens are treated and say, “why did they hate them so much? what did they do wrong?”
Even people who use the Bible as an excuse to persecute LGBT individuals, they only pick and choose what they want from the Bible, that or they’re extremely ingorant and only go by what they hear from the idjits before themselves; because God says to hate the sin, not the sinner. Not that I really agree that being LGBT is a sin, but I guess I’m just a horrible Christian. For that matter, the Christian church wouldn’t exactly welcome me with open arms if they knew I was bisexual. They would either cast me out, or want to “fix” me, like there’s anything wrong with my sexuality. The only thingmostwould do is teach me to hate myself for who I am, which is just insanity to my eyes.
There are so many people afraid to show who they are, stifled by the hatred society can exhibit, I just wish there was a way to move this mountain in minutes, better yet, seconds; if only so life can be easier for those who are on their way to suicide out of desperation. I know that finding the proper support you need can be hard, and that familyisn’treallyalways there for you; but anyone who, everyday gets one step closer to the edge, just try to hold one because one day, someone will be there for you.
LGBT COMMUNITY PLEASE STAND TOGETHER.
NEVER GIVE UP
NEVER BE SILENT WHEN YOU WISH TO HEARD
NEVER STOP REACHING OUT FOR THE ACCEPTANCE YOU KNOW YOU NEED
ALWAYS BE AWARE, THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE, DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND IS LOST JUST LIKE YOU
